Paradox and Duality

At a deep level, everything is paradox and duality. I am good. I am bad. I am strong. I am weak. I am a unique, special different individual. I am one with the Universe.

At an even deeper level these dualities resolve into unity. Everything is one. Different dualities resolve themselves in different ways.

The duality between strength and weakness is resolved by realizing that one becomes strong by embracing one's weaknesses.

For this reason I must love the bad. The Golden Rule is the most important rule. It is central to all legitimate spiritual and religious traditions ever followed. Every other rule, regulation and law, whether humanity's or God's is simply a footnote, a piece of friendly advice. The Golden Rule can be summarized in just one word. Love. It is simply to have love and compassion for all creatures, human, animal, and otherwise, friend and foe.

Loving what is good and beautiful is easy. Loving what is bad and ugly is challenging. Moreover, the most difficult thing is to love what is ugly and beautiful in oneself. To accept oneself no matter what one is and has done is very difficult. This does not mean excusing bad actions. It simply means recognizing that one is an imperfect being who is doing the best one can.

I have, probably my entire life, been trying to hide what I didn't like about myself. I have been trying to turn myself into something and someone perfect. I didn't want to accept the mistakes I had made and the flaws in myself. I was ashamed of my past and ashamed of who I was. Being ashamed, however, made me worse. It sapped my energy. It caused me to be embarrassed in front of everyone. I have had anxiety and depression for 15, maybe even 20, years. I have dropped out of school about a half dozen times. I am now 38 and in about $90,000 of debt ($50,000 to credit cards, line of credit and student loans and about $40,000 to my parents) and I am living with my parents since I currently have difficulty to financially support myself. My resume looks like a complete mess since I have dropped out of school a number of times, had periods of unemployment and inactivity, and switched careers a number of times.